There is a saying: “we are all angels with one wing. We can fly only when we combine.” So why can’t some combination fly? I’m afraid it’s also due to the seven emotions. To keep love for a long time, we must put an end to this mentality!
1、 High expectations of feelings
From falling in love to getting married, we have been “deceiving” ourselves with our own fantasies. This kind of “deceiving” is more often unconscious, blind and beyond time and space. It is a kind of fantasy that can equate the hot love with the “warm” marriage. It’s also part of our sexual life. Because of the impact of passion and the packaging of honeyed words, we have high expectations for the life after marriage. The beautiful marriage in the fantasy replaces the real marriage. The story of snow white and the prince has evolved into the incarnation of “high standard” and “strict requirements” in the marriage life. This is an external packaging we attach to the marriage, that is, our high period of marriage Hope mentality. When this kind of beautiful fantasy and artificial outer packaging are replaced by the trivia of marriage life, and the needs after marriage cannot be met, the disappointment and despair will attack us like “black clouds oppress the city” with a feeling of being cheated. In fact, this is not the person who cheated you, but your high expectations of marriage mentality cheated you.
2、 Too much self-esteem and sensitivity
In the emotional life, moderate self-esteem and sensitivity is a good mentality, but too much self-esteem and sensitivity will force their marriage on the road. The instructions before marriage are strictly followed, and the requirements after marriage are embezzled. One is courteous and the other is procrastinating. The contrast between before marriage and after marriage forces our self-esteem into a narrow path. One of the couple will think that their spouse is despised and disrespectful. In order to defend their own dignity, they are too “self-respect” and sensitive to each other’s words and actions, especially for a sentence or unintentional act that the other party says inadvertently, they will “mean” for half a day. This kind of mindset says a bit good to hear that calls to love too much head, say bad to hear is nervous allergy. If we don’t desensitize in time, we can only accelerate the other side’s rebellious psychology and psychological heaviness in the long run. For example, even if your partner asks you to use a sex toy or a sex doll, you will say no.
3、 The mentality of shirking responsibility
It’s hard to avoid wind and rain in life, and there are difficulties and setbacks in feelings. When wind and rain hit, what we need most is the sense of responsibility and solidarity of both sides, rather than mutual blame, evasion and prevarication. Choosing a person, a marriage and a life are all their own decisions. Since it’s their own choice, all of them should have the courage to face it, to bear it, to shirk and evade the responsibility can only make complaints promote and intensify the disintegration of the relationship between the two people.
4、 The mindset of expecting a reward
Some husband and wife’s marriage is like a big saw. You have to repay me as much as I have paid for you; you have to treat me well as I treat you well, otherwise, the big saw can’t be pulled. If one side doesn’t do well enough and doesn’t love enough, the other side’s disappointment, worry and unhappiness will arrive as scheduled, all the previous happiness will be easily ignored, and worry and unhappiness won’t be so easy to go. Once this kind of emotion penetrates into the marriage life, it will easily lead to one party’s mentality out of control and psychological imbalance, and the deviation in emotion is likely to bring out the deviation in marriage.
5、 An attitude of disrespect
After a long time of feeling, you will think that the other party is already your own person. What you say and do is not in your heart. From the way of speaking to the handling of family affairs, you will have a great deal of randomness, and seldom pay attention to the feelings and attitudes of the other party. In fact, in a family, respect is the basis of love and harmonious relationship between husband and wife. Many unhappiness happened when husband and wife get along is due to the fact that one side does not respect the other side, which leads to the conflict between husband and wife. Moreover, in order to fight for breath, husband and wife began a psychological long-term fight, and the cold war became a frequent customer of devouring love. Once love was covered by such a bad atmosphere, how could the warmth between husband and wife last?
6、 An intolerant attitude
In a family, it’s relative, but not absolute, to be able or not to do well. Many things are from can not do, and only in the process of doing will there be a qualitative change. Therefore, the husband and wife should try their best not to force and blame each thing they do, let alone criticize each other. But many husband and wife just don’t understand the reason. If they don’t agree with each other, they will blame each other. After a long time, the accused party will not feel that they are doing badly, but will have a counterattack mentality. Because of the long-term depression and dissatisfaction, it is inevitable that the feelings between husband and wife are hot and cold. If the depressed emotions cannot be released in time, the depression and dissatisfaction between each other will be triggered at any time.
7、 Over dependence mentality
The emotional and psychological interdependence between husband and wife can deepen the degree of love between them, but too much dependence may become the emotional and psychological burden of each other. On the surface, excessive dependence is a manifestation of love, but in fact, it is a kind of plunder and possession of love. Normal dependence is a state of mutual support and psychological satisfaction. Beyond this kind of support and state, you will doubt your love, suspect that the other side no longer loves you, or that your love is not strong enough